Thursday, December 12, 2013

Twas the Night Before Christmas: A Grown Up Tale


Twas the night before Christmas and damn I am glad

The stress from the holiday has about ended me and their dad

Buy this toy buy that, I couldn't care less

Cause Christmas has turned into a hot damn mess


The electronics, the games, the controllers and such

Not a board game in sight when did life get so fucked

And while I await my honey with directions

I say to myself no more self assembly perfections


When back from the room I hear such a sigh

We have only two hours and this thing's written in Thai  

The barbie house, the tents, the playhouse a joy

All of this shit for the love of girl and boy


The night drags on as our frustrations grow

The boxes are wrapped but the assembly is slow

We've argued and tightened and followed the plan

Hope this crap stays together there is no B plan


When finally the last screw is in place and attached

We're finally done and Christmas is a wrap

Our wine glasses are clinked our cheeks are quite merry

We survived another year we say 10 hail Marys


Now bed time, a movie, a snack and you bet

That somewhere in there we have got to have sex

To the bedroom we run, to the bedroom we fall

Now naked, we're naked, naked for all


A good sound sleep and a few hours away

The morning would be waking to a Merry Christmas Day

A day filled with joy as girls and boys clamber

To open up their gifts in new Christmas pajamas


And then in a twinkling I heard from the bed

Momma you are naked and out of your head

My eyes opened wide as my daughter there stood

Eyes and mouth wide open while I lay in the nude


I rush to my senses and grab my nightgown

Rustle my hubby awake with his nakedness abound

We rush and we scurry to come up with ideas

That Santa took our clothes as extra cover for the reindeer


Their eyes how they twinkled

Their laughs were so merry

They watched and poked fun

That mom and dad were so hairy


The coffee was hot and the cream was just right

As we watched children scuffle and bustle with delight

They had not an inkling, they had not a clue

Of what the naked mom and dad had to go through


My hubby and I had pulled off another year

We lay a wayed, we stole, we skipped a few meals

For nothing was going to spoil the kid's day

We were thankful for that naked Christmas Day charade


 And as we settled ourselves and the kids began to yawn

As each Christmas toy had been played from that dawn

The evening was quiet, the day gone to rest

Our Christmas charade had been the very best


So as I end this tale to all the moms and dads

Merry Christmas to all and don't forget to cover your do dads



Lachelle Redd

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